just a dream............

I was thinking about her..thinking bout' me..thinking bout' us....

what we were going to be??

is living in a dream world.....

Am I okay?

I guess I am okay...I am having a double life..living in a lie??
Ya....perhaps I am...but for how long??think2...

If people ask me??are you okay with a life like this??

Before this, seriously...I have no answer...but now...I do...

My answer is, Yes..I am okay with it...in fact, I'm cool with it...

Is it tough??No..it is not...but you have to be smart...I guess..I am pretty smart kn??(but not for long)


Lie??how long we can actually keep lying to others??Sooner or later, the truth will come out...

You know what....am happy to say...I am really looking forward to be caught red handed...maybe then I am absolutely okay...

people say...careful on what you wish for....you might end up hurt at the end of the day...but maybe that's what I'm looking for....


Haha..I am officialy weng tonite....

p/s: please check your phone....am tired of waiting....

I have 2, so I buy 2 sets of it...

I never thought in million years I cud be this cruel..but here I am...being cruel...to you & you...am really sorry....


Therefore..for raya, instead of just 1 set of butang baju melayu...I have to buy 2 sets of butang baju melayu... A

sounds fair right??

Once again...I'm sorry...I have too...what to do??I have TWO...


I see you next week okay...and I see you next week too.....

sigh~

what do you want from me??

what do you want from me??

Eika soon to be Mrs Rico....

On 31st July....she is officially engage to Rico!!

happy for you sweetheart...you are the 1st among us to be engage...Ya..we are happy to you..but deep down...of course lah ade sedikit rasa envy right??hehe~envy sbb you have found your truly mate..sum1 yg you are going to spend the rest of your life with...Owhh..not now ya dear...next year on OCT 2011...then both of you are officially Mr & Mrs Rico!!Can't wait for the big day!!

Here some of the recaps...I miss you girls badly...

-Sue all the way from Sabah-



-Us with Eika-



- Kerana cake ini, both me & eika got lost -

Fatihah jadi bridesmaid~

I never thought that sum1 could actually ask me to be her 'pengapit'...but sum1 actually did...

Thank you Chicy...at last...I can wear a dress...wee~


Here some of the pictures to share...I do think I look a bit fat in this dress...ye ke??maybe perasaan ku kot....


-----> with Iman comel!!!


-----> ofismates~


-----> Pengapit tired...heels tinggi sgt...

Talking about puasa.......

When we are talking about puasa..1st thing yg akan pop up in my mind would be..bulan ramadhan...Ya..where we have to restrain our self from everything..not just foods & drinks..but fasting is about berpuasa from head to toe...internally & externally...but..can we really do it?

When ramadhan came, syaitan akan diikat....I suppose..people will do lots of goods rather than bads kn??unfortunately...things are the same.....so..should we blame syaitans for all the bad things we've done before??Umm...I guess...manusia itu sendiri adalah syaitan kot....Or is nafsu to be blame??

It is easy to be bad..but it is hard to be good...every single year...I am trying to be good..but do I try hard enough??My answer is no, I'm not...sebab nafsu always menerajui akal...sebab selalu nak jugak buat things yg not only memakan diri..but I'm end up hurt.....

Susah rupanya nak jadi baik(for me kot...)....To be bad??well..I'm getting better at it....

I need to be good...I need guidance....

apa2 pun..selamat berpuasa to all Muslim out there..may Allah bless us always!!

Sakit hati ke kecil hati??

I don't think my heart can be hurt anymore...kecil hati?Yes..I always will..tapi untuk sakit hati??
mungkin tidak??sebab..I dah penat sakit..

Kenapa I sakit hati?Sebab I ask for it kot..ya..I did ask for it...

From month to month..I want it to be over..but I can't...maybe I can..but I dont want to...

just like Rihanna said, "I like the way it hurt and I love the way you lie"

Ya...I love the way you lie....

I know..you never lied to me..not even once..you always menjaga hati I..

I know..you tak pernah pun nak sakit kan hati I..but I am hurting my own self...

I know..you have to lie to her instead of me kan??I am your 'kekasih gelap' but you never did hide me in every way..

Deep down...I am kecil hati..kecil sangat...everytime you call..you text..yes..I am happy..

sebab I tahu..you still remember me..you tak pernah pun tinggal kan I..(eventho..I have thought of leaving you..so many time...)

Tapi...I kecil hati..sebab...I am not the 1st on your list..I am always be the 2nd one..ya..sad to admit..I am your back up...betul tak??

Currently..I am kecil hati with you..why??sebab you are not here with me...sebab I can't see you now...sebab I need you now...sigh~

I miss you bad.....thank you buat I kecil hati..

Good girl gone bad~

You ask for it..

Easy for a good girl to go bad, and once we gone bad..best believe we gone forever...

(I heart this song!!)

My Mama said....

This morning..I had a long talk with my mum...

We are talking about guys..yes..we do talk about our feelings..share knowledge about guys..since I guess my mum know a lot about them than I do kot..I love having this kind of conversation with mama..eventho I am very close with my dad than mama..but still, when it comes to girls talk..I always turn to mama..I am lucky to have you..kan mama??LOVE YOU MAMA~

This morning mama said,

mama: When am I going to get a menantu??your frens mostly da engage...when is ur turn??when r u goin to knl kan mama to that special sum1??

me: Ooo..please not this question again...you keep on asking the same question ok...all I can say..one day mama...(whom am I suppose to knl kan to u mama??Bee??in ur dream...)

mama: What kind a guy yg u r looking for??Don't be too choosy ok...

me: am not choosy...but I do have to choose sum1 yg can take a good care of me kn...marriage is a gamble..so I have to choose right...

mama: Well...no one knows..what future holds..we have to create our own future..when I first met ur baba...I never know that he is the one...but I have to make a decision..Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him??Alhamdulillah..it turn out to be great for me...eventho I'm not really in love with him when I first met him...but I am proud to say now..I am truly madly deeply in love with him....So you see here...you don't have to be in love with a guy to marry him...but you have to see and to know..whether he has that husband quality or not...love will always be there...it is not that hard to fall in love...(So true...I am easily in love sumtimes...)

me: (terlopong)sdg contemplate all the words...

mama: You see here...there is lots of guys out there...to choose??who the hell are we to choose??just have faith...pray to ALLAH..one day..that special sum1 will come...

me: (dlm hati...ya..I am so tired of suffering...what's done is done..enough...)

See...why am I making things complicated sdgkan..it is easy as ABC...kuatkan hati..have faith...pray a lot...things are going to fall into place...^_^

You are so yesterday~

You are so yesterday??So not true..yes I am mad at you now..but I know..once u call me esok..everything going to be okay...and I'm going to end up lepaking with you just like the other days...betul kan??

Yes..am not that strong to walk away..not just yet..one day okay??just hold on tight...I'm cool..you are cool with it..so..we just wait and see..I know you don't want know..and I don't want to know about it as well..just let us hurt each other n love each other as we always did..

Good luck

Sometimes

Sometimes the least expected person can actually came back into our life kan??

Sometimes we tend to make mistake over n over again....

Sometimes we just won't listen to what people keeps telling us...

Sometimes the world is against us...but still it won't stop us to do things we want...

Sometimes life is unfair...

Sometimes people are so judgemental...

Sometimes I wish I can escape life....

Sometimes it is better this way..

Sometimes forget sounds good..but I can't...

Sometimes I don't like to think..but I did....

And lots of time, LOVE hurts..BIG TIME!!

It makes me wonder..who need LOVE when OXYGEN is much more important??


I know...Sometimes I think too much..more than I should...okay..Brain shut down please.....

Things to do...........

Book flight ticket...

Buy a new bag...

Buy a new lipstick....

Buy a new heels...

Need to pay ASTRO bills and duet kete

Need to confirm make up session with Fiqa

Need to go fitting session...again...sigh~

Go get my hair perm....

Need to eat less..(when I eat like a hog every single day...takut tak muat dress okay!!)

Go buy stocks of kerepek for office..(credit to Abg Mawi)

Owh...need to merajuk with YOU at least for 2days without any sms/calls/dating..(Don't think I'm capable of it...sigh~been listening to 'Lady Antebellum' song's saying that I need you now...damn!!)

Okay chill...keras hati please.....Jom tido...esok sambung....Nite!!

Happy 55th anniversary............

My daddy@papito@baba...had turn 55 last Friday....May ALLAH bless you always baba!!

But, I was quite sad..since I can't celebrate his birthday...as he is not in KL now...was very frustrated as well as we can't watch our favourite team to play in world cup sama2....

Luckily I did get him a present..as usual..a new perfume for him..this year I manage to bought him a SELVATORE FERAGAMORE..I'm glad he loves it!!LOVE YOU BABA!!

But we did celebrate a Father's Day...nothing special just had a good lunch eating an amazing Arabic cuisine...Thanks to my brother for actually belanja us on that day..(jimat duit daku...)

Okay..I am officially missing him eventhough I have just talk to him...wee~

Miss you papito....

July...

Can't wait for July!!

Why??Because I'm definitely going to spend a lot of money on this upcoming July..so sad...but yet so happy.....

And..Owh..am going to wear this gorgeous blue dress on this 17th July...on what occasion??Just wait and see okay people...

- This dress is under construction.....

This upcoming 31st July also are going to be a memorable day...one of my close fren..cik Atiqah dearie are going to be engage...I'm so excited for her and yes..plus..we are going to have fun since my Sue sayang are coming down to KL...Lets party girls!!!

July become more fun since ECLIPSE are coming in town!!I've been waiting for this movie right after I've watched NEW MOON okay...so..I'm definitely going to watch it..at least 3 times I guess....

What else I've been waiting for this July??Owhh..I've almost forget..I will be going to visit my dearest Daddy in Kuching...wee....sangat lah looking forward...I love to spend time with him...lepaking watching football with him..it is so much fun than going out dating with Bee...LOL~

Well..I'm just hoping JULY will bring me much more happiness...I'm feeling better now..I am okay now...this WORLD CUP season definitely make me happy!!how I wish I could be in SOUTH AFRICA....but one can only wish...like TOM CRUISE said in Knight's & Day; WISH IS ANOTHER WORD FOR NEVER...so don't wish..just do it!!

me and my heart we have issues...

When I am not suppose to this..but I did that...
My heart says...'Always use your brain'...but I did the opposite...

Why can I just listen to what my heart whisper?

I still

I still miss you...

I still need you....


Knowing that you have someone is hurt..but I am happy for you..because I heart you??Yes..will always do till the day I die...I don't blame you coz I know, part of it I am the one to be blame as well..but It is hurt when you said nothing about it..and you keep me in silence..serious..you hurt me badly time tuh okay....

Dear En Chocolate,
I just want to hear the reasons why all of sudden you kept me in the dark..just want to know the truth..no worries..I can handle the truth...won't ask you for 2nd chance pun okay...
And yes..please do get married as soon as possible so my heart will turn away from you..

Thank you.

M.A.L.A.S

I am super malas..

Super malas to think, super malas to care, even I am super malas to work..lately...


WHY??

SEbab I don't feel motivated to work..bluerghhh...yes..it is such a bullshit...

Maybe sebab hatiku tidak tenang lately...My heart don't feel good...as if like hatiku dipicit2 oleh sesuatu/seseorang I guess....

Why do I have to be in this 'MALAS' situation...I am not suppose to be malas..since this a crucial week for me....sigh~


I guess, this is going to be a really2 bad week for me...TAHNIAH Fatihah!!


Tomorrow we are going to face an audit team by SHELL..hopefully things are going to be okay...no more punchlist please....and hopefully things are going accordingly...no more vessel delay....amin....

And yes...hopefully BRAZIL beats N.Korea tonite..so I can sleep well...not to forget, Abg Ronaldo...I'm sorry I can't support you..since my heart goes to BRAZIL already....but I will definitely watch you tonite!!

I met them..told them...they don't like it...

After almost 6months...finally..all of us got to lepak2 and as usual..sesi luahan perasaan will efinitely bermula with them...Yes..I love to have heart to heart talk with them..because they don't judge me..but they actually listen...I love you both sampai mati okay!!

- Bobby yg gilaaaa (but I love him!!)

- Bonet yg sewellll.... (But I heart him!!)

Okay..as always..for sure they want to know about 'sum1' in my life now..being me..I hold no secrets with them..as I told them every single details...Yes..I do told them about Bee..about 'Dia'..and being them..they are always so protective..they don't want me to end up hurt. Thank you korang..thank you for all those syarahan..thank you for being mad at me..I know I deserve it.......BUT at least...I felt so relieved...because I have told korang..seriously, I am so tired to hold it on my own...

Yes...I am being stupid..I am playing with fire..I know..I will end up crash and burn..It's okay...coz I now..korang ada kan??Well..yes..I am being optimistic..because I know no matter what happen in near future..I could always rely on you guys...

Okay..enough story about me..yes..I am happy for both of you..especially Bobby..since you are so happy with Nadia..and to my beloved Bonet...seeing you okay..eventhough without Ayuni, I am happy for you...fyi, I like that girl in your phone..she is so comel and pretty...wink**

Seriously, no matter with whom you guys will end up with..I will always be happy for korang as you guys will always happy with my choice right??But to get you guys punya approval are much more difficult than to get my parent's approval...serius...so choosy kan korang..but It's ok...because korang nak pilih yg betul2 suitable for me kan??wink*

Owhh..dunia ini memang tersangat kecil as it happen I met Dart during my lepaking time with these guys..Yup...it is true..she is so pretty in person..and being dart..she is not afraid of being herself..very fashionista okay...ooo..and yes..she is quite soft spoken...and I get to snap a picture with her while her hubby out to go sumwhere...Thanks Dart..and yes..I have ur number already..later we calling2 okay..and please do take care of yourself pretty~

is HURT

I am not suppose to be hurt...but I am hurt..this is what I have to face since I am the one who asked for it..yup..I should just endure it and not complaint about it...but hey...I am just a human..a girl..who have a heart..and who can feel hurt...It is hurt no matter hard I try not to think about it and try to be cool about it..but still, knowing it make me hurt....

I use to say...I am cool with it..I don't care about it..but now, seriously I can't cope with it..because it is killing me softly...Told you Fatihah, but you won't listen to me..and now you end up hurt...thank you very much!!

How can I overcome this feeling??pretend to be okay and cool??I've done it already..but still..it is hurt...I should let it go??Yes...I should...but tell me how??I can't do it...

I need to muhasabah diri..need to look back..need to analyze this so called feeling...I need to be happy again~