HOW to berterus terang??

I LIKE this guy…but am too afraid to say it out loud…bukan sebab malu or segan..okay FINE..I admit..I was a bit malu la…of cuz la…there are too many ‘what if’ in my head now…

WHAT IF HE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY AS I DO?

WHAT IF HE THOUGHT ME AS A FRIEND?

WHAT IF & WHAT IF & WHAT IF……..

Okaylah…I story 1st laaa….I know him thru friend…whereby time tuh, I was actually lepaking with his friends at mamak. We didn’t know each other mase tuh…but one of my friend sort of kenal kan kami…It was on March when I was actually quite down since En Cokelat walk away from me…so sadis…LOL~

Nak jadi kan cerita, he did ask my number from one of his friend and he did sms me on that particular day we met…time tuh..am not so keen pun to know him…sbb I was not over En Cokelat kan…so…I was a bit jual2 mahal and sort of mls nk kwn2 wif any guy…

After about a month, I was kinda bored..tiba2 tgn ni mcm rajin la pulak nak texting him..so I did texted him and all of sudden we became close…like almost every day he texted me, sumtime he called and we did going out like dating kot..sbb we never did went out with his friends or mine..so I can consider it as dating right??LOL~

Next year on March..it’s going to be a year dah..since I know him…therefore, I really2 need to clarify with him la…what are we actually??who am I to you??I don’t like to be kept in the dark..if u know what I mean…..

But, the problem is…how to berterus terang with him? What am I suppose to say?I am afraid okay..afraid of his rejection to be precise….afraid that we might not be as close as we are now….

Once before, I had an experience of pouring my heart out to a guy…lucky me..he respond it well…and he was okay with it..and we end up to be an item…Tp sekarang…I do think I don’t have the gut to do it again…..haiyoo….how??

I saw him yesterday…he was..well..the usual him…we had sushi..then jalan2 tgk handbag since I need a new bag (typical me)..there are times..when I was about to confess…but I am holding it back…sbb I was too afraid!!Damn it….I hate this situation….

Well it so happened yesterday..we did had a bit of argument…nothing serious..but I was a bit kecil hati with him…on some issues..but instead of being mad at him..I turn to be a bit quiet and kinda moody… He knows me well to know that I am not in a good mood..so he tried his best to cheer me up last nite… by making me laugh…and make me smile all nite…Yes…you make me happy last nite…but, what about future??Can I still have those laughs that I had last nite??

What am I suppose to do now??SUMPAH AKU BINGUNG!!

is PELIK

I miss you gadis kecil….how are you??(bercakap dgn blog..am I crazy??ya..1 of my act of craziness)

So..what’s up with “PELIK”??

Seriously…it is weird nowadays, when lots of young ppl so eager to be married…why??

Am not saying that I don’t want 2 get married in my early age…am so into marriage kot…kalau boleh, after grade dulu..nak terus kahwin..but what to do…got no bf maa…LOL~

It is not wrong to have an early marriage, in fact if you are physically & mentally ready for it..why not?? Just go for it laa…it is advisable kot..yela..to prevent any unforeseen circumstances kan…(if u know what I mean)

What’s make me “pelik” is when lots of young peeps tend to get married so early just because they are afraid of losing, they felt threaten, and they feel so insecure…of what??or should I say…of whom??

At the first place, why do you feel insecure??Actually, I am not good when it comes to marriage/relationship but I do know one thing…marriage is not a simple thing..it is a big thing..it is not about saying I do or “aku terimanya nikah….”It is not about a piece of paper(sijil nikah)..it is beyond that…I believe marriage is a sacred thing to do when you believe you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person…(wow…do I sound so pure n sweet..)LOL

Okay la…fine..I admit, I do envy those yg going to get married..but..all and all…I am happy for you guys…knowing that you have sum1 to grow old with..sum1 to membebel with….seronok kn??and the best part is having lots n lots babies…sgt best kan??So..looking forward to that…haha~

Bukan apa….since I am working in oil & gas industry, I can say that..most of my field staff..they tend to kahwin awl…actually…xslh…but…I can see why their gf want them to get married cpt2…u now why??
Because..they don’t trust their partner…why??

To tell you the truth…in O&G…there are lots of cabaran and dugaan….one of the cabaran & dugaan yg perlu ditempuhi oleh all those engineers/surveyors…is…perempuan….kerana wherever they go..whenever they go…women are always all around them….kenapa??sebab…they have lots of money….sumpah….mereka mmg byk duet…they may look rugged..look kinda selekeh a bit..but…their pocket is deep my friends…..Owh…am not saying that…all manusia di oil n gas are the same…but one have to be careful if you want 2 involve with them….jadi, xslh pun..if their gf tak trust mereka kan??
But still, marriage are not going to solve any problems…sbb once they got married pun..if they want 2 cheat they will cheat..if they want 2 flirt..they will flirt….am not lying here…..I’ve known lots of manipulative husband and lots of flirty husband….as well as flirty fiancée and not to forget….bf2 yg willingly cheat on their gf….terlalu ramai okay…no worries…I won’t disclose any names here…LOL

Do you think they will stop cheating once they marry you??Do you think you will feel secure once you marry him??
I bet you won’t feel secure…& trust me..if your partner want 2 stop cheating…he will…if he wants to stop flirting..he will…so you don’t have to force them to marry you….just be patient…if they are meant for you…they will be…by forcing them to marry you…it won’t do any good to both of you…..please do think before you act…

What I’m trying to say here…is not that men can’t be trusted or men who work in O&G are the bad ones…no….am not going to racun sape2 punya fikiran pun…I just want to let ppl knows….how things are..for men in O&G…REMEMBER….appearances can be deceitful…so please be careful women~

Profesional please............

Dear you,

Be professional okay??

Yes..we do have some unresolved relationship issues..but it does not give you any excuse on exposing it to other ppl…especially to your colleagues…………..

Sweetheart…work is work..what we do after work is another different story..boleh x B??

Yes…I was kecil hati..so kecil hati with you…

Please be professional okay….it might be a joke for you..but am not taking this joke lightly…

Remember..personal stuff can affect work…..


Okay…I am merajuk now…

Bye!!

Don't let me go..............

Some things we don't talk about
Rather do without and just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of, together all the while

You can never say never
While we don't know when
But time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Picture, you're the queen of everything
Far as the eye can see under your command
I will be your guardian when all is crumbling
I'll steady your hand

You can never say never
While we don't know when
But time, time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

We're pulling apart and coming
Together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together
Pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

It is funny..............

It is funny…bila you don’t even know who the person is..you don’t even know how he looks like..and you never know about his existence but all of sudden, he became such an important person in your life…
It is funny kan??It is weird as well…Is this a coincidence??Is this what we called a fate?Is this what it is meant to be??

I think the answer is all of the above kot…betul x??

Who is he actually??

He is someone I never thought I would fall into..

He is actually a rebound guy..(ya..typical me..I need a new guy to forget the other guy..sigh~)
He is a person I shouldn’t be involve with at the 1st place..(I’m sorry that I did..)

He is a bad boy whom I know are going to break my heart…

He is someone who clearly has a girlfriend….

He is the 2nd guy who actually get into me..

Yes..kasihan Fatihah…and padan muka to you as well Fatihah..you are the one to be blame kot..you yg mulakan dulu….

It is funny kan…a person you want the most is sum1 you can’t have..I guess this is the reason why I don’t believe that I should be in love to be in a relationship with a guy..It’s true..a relationship need love..and love itu boleh berkembang kot..secara naturally…I don’t have to be so in love with a guy to start a relationship with..as long as he makes me happy..he can take a good care of me..it is enough for me..later on..I will definitely learn how to love him..seriously, it is not hard for me to be in love with a guy pun…betul ok..mak tak tipu nyah~

It is funny…despite all the bad things/hurtful stuff he did to me…I still accept him…I still can’t get over him…well itu la CINTA kan??

It is funny…no matter how hurt I am…still I did answer all his calls and reply all his texts…why?sebab CINTA laaa…..

It is funny..when you are actually realized all these things…but you still can’t get yourself out of this mess…kenapa??CINTA punya pasal laaa….

It is funny..when you tell the whole world how hurt you are..but still you are doing that same mistakes over and over again…..

So..when are you going to stop??Sumpah..I have no idea…I am badly hurt..but I guess..I love to be hurt rather than feel nothing at all…Sumpah…I want it to stop…but I don’t have the guts to do so….

Dear you,

It is hurt to be your No.2…but I can’t lose you..not now…not just yet…
No worries..I won’t ask you for anything.not now..not in any near future…
It is not funny now..when I’m actually missing you and knowing that I can’t have you…

Yours truly,

Fatihah..

Perfect Nightmare~

Sometimes we fight
Sometimes I cry
Why don't I
Just tell him goodbye
Sometimes I should
But sometimes I don't
Build up the strength to
Say that it's wrong
Sometimes I hate
Sometimes I love
Sometimes I hurt
Sometimes I don't
Sometimes I wait
For him to change
But it's okay
I've disguised the pain

And I don't ever wanna leave him alone
They say i'm brainwashed but i'm in love with this man
Yeah~

Keep telling myself that it's not worth it
I already know I don't deserve it
But if it's from you I don't mind hurting
This is my perfect nightmare
So when will I wake up and scream

No way (x7)
But if it's from you I don't mind hurting
This is my perfect nightmare
Perfect nightmare

Don't be nice to a guy

It is Monday and I am doomed…yup..Monday blues..am not really into work. How I wish I could just sleep for another more hour….but obviously I can’t..I need to work..to put foods on the table (so not true…I just want to be a bit sarcastic today)LOL~

It is Monday…I know there a lot of works to be done..but I am so freaking lazy…I have made few calls but no one seems to answer my calls…so I am quite not in the mood now…haihs~
I was supposed to go up and see one of the big bosses but apparently he is not in the office...there goes my mood...

As usual, once I’m up there haruslah go & visit one of my girls cik S..Fyi, I love her new hair do..she looks young/fresh & trendy with her new hair..I like!!

Well basically, both of us are not close but we are nice towards each other and since she is cool/friendly/fun to be with so we are comfortable with each other. We love to talk to each other and sometimes share few stuff. It happen today, suddenly we have this talk on guys. She asked me, do I’m actually in a relationship with sum1?what kind a guy I was into?Well, am not speechless actually since I have all the answers if ppl were to ask me this sort of question..(am not trying to sound ‘berlagak’ but it’s true..I did have the answers..LOL)

Am I in a relationship with anyone?
My answer is, No I am not in a relationship with anyone or been exclusively with sum1 but I do date sum1. Okay??satisfied?

What kind a guy I was into?
My answer is, I am so into confident guy. A guy with confident is everything. Confident make a guy sexy, attractive and no words can describe how incredibly gorgeous a guy is when he is confident.

Seriously, I have been in love with a confident guy before, it was nice but things did not work out but I blame no one but myself. Why? BECAUSE I WAS TOO NICE TO HIM~

Yup..this is me…am always being nice to a guy. At the end of the day, I’m the one who suffer..congratulation!!

Back to my conversation with cik S, when I told her about the guy I’ve been dating with…immediately she told me…” Babe..I’m not saying that I have lots of experience with guys but one thing I do learn from my previous relationship is, don’t be nice to a guy”. Okay…I was like..I was always nice to a guy, I always let a guy to control me, I always let my feelings take control of myself….sigh~

Yes, this is the ugly truth..when we are nice to a guy, they tend to take advantage of that situation. Trust me,It is easy for a woman to love but it is not easy for a guy to actually be in love.

So girls, DON’T BE NICE

Lelaki with money...

It is true...women adore guys with money....we are not talking about few hundreds ok girls...but you know..a totally rich guy...Ya...I do admit..sometimes I wish I cud marry a rich guy..(in my dreams anyway...berangan nk kahwin with Cristiano Ronaldo laa...)

But what do actually those rich guys are looking for??Do you think they really care on how good a WOMEN cooking skills are??Or..perhaps...do they even care if you can actually spoke 5 differents language??Well..guess what...NO...they don't really give a damn about those things..because, all they want is..all they need is...for us WOMEN to succumbs will their needs...
Yup..dunia ini mmg kejam..lets face it..this is life..they don't care about our inner quality if you don't have that outside beauty...BETUL TAK??

Okay..money is important..seriously..I cant imagine my life without them..call me a mata duitan..I don't care..am not trying to be hypocrite here...but still money can't buy love..money can't buy happiness....so..please do remind me again..why am I actually need money??
Owhh..ya...I need money to buy new shoes/heels, new bags, new clothes, and what else...you know men, women have lots of needs...and it's always going to cost you guys...sorry~

But..I am truly happy with myself...despite of my craziness towards money, I never did physco any guys to spent their money on me...unless..if they want too...you know guys..when they want you, they willing to spent on you..typical la kan....

Dang..it's near 12am...and I have to work esok..to meet those rich guys...need to catch up with you later gadis kecil....

To be continue then..........

Kerja~

My so called job


I love my job..there is no doubt…who wont?It is hard to be in this industry actually but once you are in, it is good for your future…it’s true….

I learn a lot here..I truly do…which I am very grateful for it..who knows, nowadays I can actually talk about it..lol~

But…there is always sort of the ugly side of it..am not complaint.but, it is something I guess ppl shud know or ppl shud be aware of..it is the reality of life I guess…and it is not pretty…

Well, working in such a big industry in such a big organization (not as big as Petronas) you will actually see/experience lots of things…you will know a lot types of ppl..which is very interesting…I love ppl,I love to make new friends,senang cerita…I love my colleagues laaa….but…not all ppl are nice..it is true right??no matter where & when, mean ppl are everywhere ok..and you need to know how to handle them with care..betul tak??(well…we have too..)

Okay..back to the main thing, let me just say….sometimes ppl are using you for the sake of their benefits..maybe for the sake of the organization it self..or maybe for their own personal benefit…Umm..Do I make it sound complicated??

Okay fine..to tell you the truth..I am tired of being used..why??by whom??
Let me just say…when you are a woman, you are going to be use so that things will get more simpler..more easy..and the work itself are easily done…thank you~

Owh..by whom??well….like Nabil said,”lu pk la sendiri”…

So, the moral of the story is…..seriously,I have no idea…but what I did is, you just have to defend yourself…ok..take care!!

Hari ini warga OFFSHORE gembira~

Kami happy!!


Terima kasih OFFSHORE WORKS~


End of the year kasi kami lagi okay!!


**sdg membuat budget......dgn happy~weeeee..............

This Raya

This Raya.....


I am so humble at my own preparation...err...are you sure Fatihah??

Well..I guess..I am a bit humble laa...I onle had one baju kurung, one raya handbag, & one raya heels...okay la kan....not too many compared to last year right??(am trying to sedapkan hati sendiri)

This Raya.....

I did bought 2 sets of butang baju melayu...finally...not very good at choosing one..but I'm glad I bought it..

This Raya......

I spent a lot on kuih raya....I loike....I love to eat...so..I have no regrets when it comes to foods...(not like you kan bee...you don't like to spend much on foods..luckily si 'Dia' share the same passions with me..thank you~)

This Raya......

am going to give duet raya...as usual...but unfortunately, it's going cost me...so much...am not complaint....I am so happy to give away my money....sumpah...I xtipu!!


This Raya.....

I am not going to share it with En Cokelat...ya..it's pretty sad..but...life goes on..so I'm cool~


This Raya......

will be just like other raya before...I am still the same old me...perhaps next year..I'm going to celebrate it with a special someone...yes..you make me laugh..you make me happy~thank you....

just a dream............

I was thinking about her..thinking bout' me..thinking bout' us....

what we were going to be??

is living in a dream world.....

Am I okay?

I guess I am okay...I am having a double life..living in a lie??
Ya....perhaps I am...but for how long??think2...

If people ask me??are you okay with a life like this??

Before this, seriously...I have no answer...but now...I do...

My answer is, Yes..I am okay with it...in fact, I'm cool with it...

Is it tough??No..it is not...but you have to be smart...I guess..I am pretty smart kn??(but not for long)


Lie??how long we can actually keep lying to others??Sooner or later, the truth will come out...

You know what....am happy to say...I am really looking forward to be caught red handed...maybe then I am absolutely okay...

people say...careful on what you wish for....you might end up hurt at the end of the day...but maybe that's what I'm looking for....


Haha..I am officialy weng tonite....

p/s: please check your phone....am tired of waiting....

I have 2, so I buy 2 sets of it...

I never thought in million years I cud be this cruel..but here I am...being cruel...to you & you...am really sorry....


Therefore..for raya, instead of just 1 set of butang baju melayu...I have to buy 2 sets of butang baju melayu... A

sounds fair right??

Once again...I'm sorry...I have too...what to do??I have TWO...


I see you next week okay...and I see you next week too.....

sigh~

what do you want from me??

what do you want from me??

Eika soon to be Mrs Rico....

On 31st July....she is officially engage to Rico!!

happy for you sweetheart...you are the 1st among us to be engage...Ya..we are happy to you..but deep down...of course lah ade sedikit rasa envy right??hehe~envy sbb you have found your truly mate..sum1 yg you are going to spend the rest of your life with...Owhh..not now ya dear...next year on OCT 2011...then both of you are officially Mr & Mrs Rico!!Can't wait for the big day!!

Here some of the recaps...I miss you girls badly...

-Sue all the way from Sabah-



-Us with Eika-



- Kerana cake ini, both me & eika got lost -

Fatihah jadi bridesmaid~

I never thought that sum1 could actually ask me to be her 'pengapit'...but sum1 actually did...

Thank you Chicy...at last...I can wear a dress...wee~


Here some of the pictures to share...I do think I look a bit fat in this dress...ye ke??maybe perasaan ku kot....


-----> with Iman comel!!!


-----> ofismates~


-----> Pengapit tired...heels tinggi sgt...

Talking about puasa.......

When we are talking about puasa..1st thing yg akan pop up in my mind would be..bulan ramadhan...Ya..where we have to restrain our self from everything..not just foods & drinks..but fasting is about berpuasa from head to toe...internally & externally...but..can we really do it?

When ramadhan came, syaitan akan diikat....I suppose..people will do lots of goods rather than bads kn??unfortunately...things are the same.....so..should we blame syaitans for all the bad things we've done before??Umm...I guess...manusia itu sendiri adalah syaitan kot....Or is nafsu to be blame??

It is easy to be bad..but it is hard to be good...every single year...I am trying to be good..but do I try hard enough??My answer is no, I'm not...sebab nafsu always menerajui akal...sebab selalu nak jugak buat things yg not only memakan diri..but I'm end up hurt.....

Susah rupanya nak jadi baik(for me kot...)....To be bad??well..I'm getting better at it....

I need to be good...I need guidance....

apa2 pun..selamat berpuasa to all Muslim out there..may Allah bless us always!!

Sakit hati ke kecil hati??

I don't think my heart can be hurt anymore...kecil hati?Yes..I always will..tapi untuk sakit hati??
mungkin tidak??sebab..I dah penat sakit..

Kenapa I sakit hati?Sebab I ask for it kot..ya..I did ask for it...

From month to month..I want it to be over..but I can't...maybe I can..but I dont want to...

just like Rihanna said, "I like the way it hurt and I love the way you lie"

Ya...I love the way you lie....

I know..you never lied to me..not even once..you always menjaga hati I..

I know..you tak pernah pun nak sakit kan hati I..but I am hurting my own self...

I know..you have to lie to her instead of me kan??I am your 'kekasih gelap' but you never did hide me in every way..

Deep down...I am kecil hati..kecil sangat...everytime you call..you text..yes..I am happy..

sebab I tahu..you still remember me..you tak pernah pun tinggal kan I..(eventho..I have thought of leaving you..so many time...)

Tapi...I kecil hati..sebab...I am not the 1st on your list..I am always be the 2nd one..ya..sad to admit..I am your back up...betul tak??

Currently..I am kecil hati with you..why??sebab you are not here with me...sebab I can't see you now...sebab I need you now...sigh~

I miss you bad.....thank you buat I kecil hati..

Good girl gone bad~

You ask for it..

Easy for a good girl to go bad, and once we gone bad..best believe we gone forever...

(I heart this song!!)

My Mama said....

This morning..I had a long talk with my mum...

We are talking about guys..yes..we do talk about our feelings..share knowledge about guys..since I guess my mum know a lot about them than I do kot..I love having this kind of conversation with mama..eventho I am very close with my dad than mama..but still, when it comes to girls talk..I always turn to mama..I am lucky to have you..kan mama??LOVE YOU MAMA~

This morning mama said,

mama: When am I going to get a menantu??your frens mostly da engage...when is ur turn??when r u goin to knl kan mama to that special sum1??

me: Ooo..please not this question again...you keep on asking the same question ok...all I can say..one day mama...(whom am I suppose to knl kan to u mama??Bee??in ur dream...)

mama: What kind a guy yg u r looking for??Don't be too choosy ok...

me: am not choosy...but I do have to choose sum1 yg can take a good care of me kn...marriage is a gamble..so I have to choose right...

mama: Well...no one knows..what future holds..we have to create our own future..when I first met ur baba...I never know that he is the one...but I have to make a decision..Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him??Alhamdulillah..it turn out to be great for me...eventho I'm not really in love with him when I first met him...but I am proud to say now..I am truly madly deeply in love with him....So you see here...you don't have to be in love with a guy to marry him...but you have to see and to know..whether he has that husband quality or not...love will always be there...it is not that hard to fall in love...(So true...I am easily in love sumtimes...)

me: (terlopong)sdg contemplate all the words...

mama: You see here...there is lots of guys out there...to choose??who the hell are we to choose??just have faith...pray to ALLAH..one day..that special sum1 will come...

me: (dlm hati...ya..I am so tired of suffering...what's done is done..enough...)

See...why am I making things complicated sdgkan..it is easy as ABC...kuatkan hati..have faith...pray a lot...things are going to fall into place...^_^

You are so yesterday~

You are so yesterday??So not true..yes I am mad at you now..but I know..once u call me esok..everything going to be okay...and I'm going to end up lepaking with you just like the other days...betul kan??

Yes..am not that strong to walk away..not just yet..one day okay??just hold on tight...I'm cool..you are cool with it..so..we just wait and see..I know you don't want know..and I don't want to know about it as well..just let us hurt each other n love each other as we always did..

Good luck

Sometimes

Sometimes the least expected person can actually came back into our life kan??

Sometimes we tend to make mistake over n over again....

Sometimes we just won't listen to what people keeps telling us...

Sometimes the world is against us...but still it won't stop us to do things we want...

Sometimes life is unfair...

Sometimes people are so judgemental...

Sometimes I wish I can escape life....

Sometimes it is better this way..

Sometimes forget sounds good..but I can't...

Sometimes I don't like to think..but I did....

And lots of time, LOVE hurts..BIG TIME!!

It makes me wonder..who need LOVE when OXYGEN is much more important??


I know...Sometimes I think too much..more than I should...okay..Brain shut down please.....

Things to do...........

Book flight ticket...

Buy a new bag...

Buy a new lipstick....

Buy a new heels...

Need to pay ASTRO bills and duet kete

Need to confirm make up session with Fiqa

Need to go fitting session...again...sigh~

Go get my hair perm....

Need to eat less..(when I eat like a hog every single day...takut tak muat dress okay!!)

Go buy stocks of kerepek for office..(credit to Abg Mawi)

Owh...need to merajuk with YOU at least for 2days without any sms/calls/dating..(Don't think I'm capable of it...sigh~been listening to 'Lady Antebellum' song's saying that I need you now...damn!!)

Okay chill...keras hati please.....Jom tido...esok sambung....Nite!!

Happy 55th anniversary............

My daddy@papito@baba...had turn 55 last Friday....May ALLAH bless you always baba!!

But, I was quite sad..since I can't celebrate his birthday...as he is not in KL now...was very frustrated as well as we can't watch our favourite team to play in world cup sama2....

Luckily I did get him a present..as usual..a new perfume for him..this year I manage to bought him a SELVATORE FERAGAMORE..I'm glad he loves it!!LOVE YOU BABA!!

But we did celebrate a Father's Day...nothing special just had a good lunch eating an amazing Arabic cuisine...Thanks to my brother for actually belanja us on that day..(jimat duit daku...)

Okay..I am officially missing him eventhough I have just talk to him...wee~

Miss you papito....

July...

Can't wait for July!!

Why??Because I'm definitely going to spend a lot of money on this upcoming July..so sad...but yet so happy.....

And..Owh..am going to wear this gorgeous blue dress on this 17th July...on what occasion??Just wait and see okay people...

- This dress is under construction.....

This upcoming 31st July also are going to be a memorable day...one of my close fren..cik Atiqah dearie are going to be engage...I'm so excited for her and yes..plus..we are going to have fun since my Sue sayang are coming down to KL...Lets party girls!!!

July become more fun since ECLIPSE are coming in town!!I've been waiting for this movie right after I've watched NEW MOON okay...so..I'm definitely going to watch it..at least 3 times I guess....

What else I've been waiting for this July??Owhh..I've almost forget..I will be going to visit my dearest Daddy in Kuching...wee....sangat lah looking forward...I love to spend time with him...lepaking watching football with him..it is so much fun than going out dating with Bee...LOL~

Well..I'm just hoping JULY will bring me much more happiness...I'm feeling better now..I am okay now...this WORLD CUP season definitely make me happy!!how I wish I could be in SOUTH AFRICA....but one can only wish...like TOM CRUISE said in Knight's & Day; WISH IS ANOTHER WORD FOR NEVER...so don't wish..just do it!!

me and my heart we have issues...

When I am not suppose to this..but I did that...
My heart says...'Always use your brain'...but I did the opposite...

Why can I just listen to what my heart whisper?

I still

I still miss you...

I still need you....


Knowing that you have someone is hurt..but I am happy for you..because I heart you??Yes..will always do till the day I die...I don't blame you coz I know, part of it I am the one to be blame as well..but It is hurt when you said nothing about it..and you keep me in silence..serious..you hurt me badly time tuh okay....

Dear En Chocolate,
I just want to hear the reasons why all of sudden you kept me in the dark..just want to know the truth..no worries..I can handle the truth...won't ask you for 2nd chance pun okay...
And yes..please do get married as soon as possible so my heart will turn away from you..

Thank you.

M.A.L.A.S

I am super malas..

Super malas to think, super malas to care, even I am super malas to work..lately...


WHY??

SEbab I don't feel motivated to work..bluerghhh...yes..it is such a bullshit...

Maybe sebab hatiku tidak tenang lately...My heart don't feel good...as if like hatiku dipicit2 oleh sesuatu/seseorang I guess....

Why do I have to be in this 'MALAS' situation...I am not suppose to be malas..since this a crucial week for me....sigh~


I guess, this is going to be a really2 bad week for me...TAHNIAH Fatihah!!


Tomorrow we are going to face an audit team by SHELL..hopefully things are going to be okay...no more punchlist please....and hopefully things are going accordingly...no more vessel delay....amin....

And yes...hopefully BRAZIL beats N.Korea tonite..so I can sleep well...not to forget, Abg Ronaldo...I'm sorry I can't support you..since my heart goes to BRAZIL already....but I will definitely watch you tonite!!

I met them..told them...they don't like it...

After almost 6months...finally..all of us got to lepak2 and as usual..sesi luahan perasaan will efinitely bermula with them...Yes..I love to have heart to heart talk with them..because they don't judge me..but they actually listen...I love you both sampai mati okay!!

- Bobby yg gilaaaa (but I love him!!)

- Bonet yg sewellll.... (But I heart him!!)

Okay..as always..for sure they want to know about 'sum1' in my life now..being me..I hold no secrets with them..as I told them every single details...Yes..I do told them about Bee..about 'Dia'..and being them..they are always so protective..they don't want me to end up hurt. Thank you korang..thank you for all those syarahan..thank you for being mad at me..I know I deserve it.......BUT at least...I felt so relieved...because I have told korang..seriously, I am so tired to hold it on my own...

Yes...I am being stupid..I am playing with fire..I know..I will end up crash and burn..It's okay...coz I now..korang ada kan??Well..yes..I am being optimistic..because I know no matter what happen in near future..I could always rely on you guys...

Okay..enough story about me..yes..I am happy for both of you..especially Bobby..since you are so happy with Nadia..and to my beloved Bonet...seeing you okay..eventhough without Ayuni, I am happy for you...fyi, I like that girl in your phone..she is so comel and pretty...wink**

Seriously, no matter with whom you guys will end up with..I will always be happy for korang as you guys will always happy with my choice right??But to get you guys punya approval are much more difficult than to get my parent's approval...serius...so choosy kan korang..but It's ok...because korang nak pilih yg betul2 suitable for me kan??wink*

Owhh..dunia ini memang tersangat kecil as it happen I met Dart during my lepaking time with these guys..Yup...it is true..she is so pretty in person..and being dart..she is not afraid of being herself..very fashionista okay...ooo..and yes..she is quite soft spoken...and I get to snap a picture with her while her hubby out to go sumwhere...Thanks Dart..and yes..I have ur number already..later we calling2 okay..and please do take care of yourself pretty~

is HURT

I am not suppose to be hurt...but I am hurt..this is what I have to face since I am the one who asked for it..yup..I should just endure it and not complaint about it...but hey...I am just a human..a girl..who have a heart..and who can feel hurt...It is hurt no matter hard I try not to think about it and try to be cool about it..but still, knowing it make me hurt....

I use to say...I am cool with it..I don't care about it..but now, seriously I can't cope with it..because it is killing me softly...Told you Fatihah, but you won't listen to me..and now you end up hurt...thank you very much!!

How can I overcome this feeling??pretend to be okay and cool??I've done it already..but still..it is hurt...I should let it go??Yes...I should...but tell me how??I can't do it...

I need to muhasabah diri..need to look back..need to analyze this so called feeling...I need to be happy again~

Saya suka lahhh...

lovely song...lovely girl...I heart you Charice~

Bee yg busy bee~

Bee memang busy....kalah si lebah kot..3 weeks straight monitoring those pipeline yg semakin critical...(sorry to say..but this pipeline project is such a waste of money...and guess what..it is our money yg selama ini membiayai this pipeline cost ok!!)Ooopss...I have accidently terbocor kan rahsia PCSB..Sorry Bee~(Okay..will zip my mouth now..enough ramblings about your beloved pipeline)

Three weeks ago,
"Baby..I can't call you/text you for the next 48hours..will call you after I'm done.."

Two weeks ago,
"Baby..I'm going to be busy..talk to u later..."

Just now,
"Baby...I'm busy..u take care k.."


Okay...I'm cool..pretend to be cool to be exact...Three words, "Silalah pulang cepat" tak pasal2 gua jadi seorang perindu...seriously malas ok being a perindu..because I am already tired with works and now I am tired of missing you...Ooo..sangat tak suka despite having si 'Dia' yg always there for me..but still..It is not okay of missing you.....Okay takpe..I wait for you when I am not suppose to wait for you....okay I confuse...T_T

Congrats Alya~(Si gadis Pink)

Congrats to my ex-classmate!!Cik alya n hubby..Owhh...instead of 'cik' I should change it to 'puan' already...I am happy for you Alya...you are the second one to be married after Sunia..and yes, Sunia looks really happy nowadays....of course la...once dah married, rasa susah hati tu dah less since we can share it with en Hubby right??(Okay...seriously want to get married as soon as possible)

(jiranku classmateku)

(amik keberkatan kononnya)

Owhh..I love weddings...I love to see how beautiful the bride is..how sweet both of them looking in their wedding outfit..and yes..love to see their 'pelamin' so I can go home and berangan...sila la berangan cik Fatihah and keep on dreaming of your wedding yg tak tahu bila going to happen...wee~

(picture atas pelamin is wajib)

Seriously, this June is definitely a month of weddings...sumpah banyak gila wedding mak kena attend nyah!!Next week I'm going to Johor insyaallah to be at one of my dear friend's wedding...I have told Bee already....and I have told 'Dia' already...and now..I am clueless + cuakness since both seems eager to go...I am in dilemma...with whom am I supposse to go??Okay...I know..I was suppose not to tell Bee about the Johor's wedding, but terlajak perahu boleh diundur..terlajak kata..what to do??sigh~Okay...I do have to think of something later...

You've Got A way....

You've got a way with me
Somehow you got me to believe
In everything that I could be
I've gotta say you really got a way
You've got a way it seems
You gave me faith to find my dreams
Can't you see..you got a way with me

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

You've got a way with words
You get me smiling even when it hurts
There's no way to measure what your love is worth
I can't believe the way you get through to me

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

Oh, how I adore you
Like no one before you
I love you just the way you are

It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what love's made of
It's in the way we make love

It's just the way you are......



Credit to Fet...when both of us are so gila bayang melayan lagu jiwangs the other nite!!Thanks Fet for actually melayan kepala ku yg gila ini......

I don't want to know......

I don't need to know the truth

keep it to yourself

I don't wanna know if you playing me

keep it on the low cause my heart can't take it anymore

And if you creeping please don't let it show cause I don't wanna know......

p/s: I don't want to know...I just want to let it flow....(I am complicated right??)

Dia dah Pulang.......

Yes..he is back...Owhh..not Bee..he is still working his ass off somewhere in the east side monitoring those pipeline..poor you Bee..how I wish I could help..but I am being helpful right??Being a good listener when you ramblings about those pipeline thingy yg sepatah haram pun I have no idea...(am not complaint)

Dia dah pulang...after more than a months working away and after weeks of holiday with his family..and now he is back in KL..and I'm going to see him esok!!Okay..yes..I am excited..especially when he called me telling that he is not feeling well since I'm on leave today...Auwww...so sweet...(dalam hati...ye2 je mamat ni...)

People must think that I'm a two timer right??It's ok..not all people could actually understand what's happening in my life kan...so I don't blame others as everyone have their own thoughts..so please use it wisely!!

Okay..enough talking here..Bee have to work tonite..selamat working Bee!!And yes..I'm going to see 'Dia' esok..spend time with him after months of waiting..wee~

It's not goodbye~Laura Pausini

Suddenly I have this thoughts.....

Finally...on 27th May 2010 at 7.15pm my lovely wan did past away...It was such a sad day for my beloved baba,since he was just on the way back to KL from Penang and suddenly he got call from his sister saying that his mother had just past away...Ooo...I feel you baba...I don't really think I could live at the thought of losing my own mother...Yes..we did fight sometimes but my mum is everything to me..(Even if she force me to marry that 'previous guy' ..yes..I will do it for you mama)Do I sound so obedient??So not Fatihah.....

But..when I do think back, yes...currently I don't really care with whom I will end up marrying with...why??Because seriously, I don't believe in LOVE anymore. Call me crazy, call me blind, call me stupid and please call me anything and yes..I have turn into this heartless little girl with no feelings towards anyone..by anyone I mean a guy. It is true I am attached with that particular someone, but I don't count on him to give me the "so called love" that he promised because I know he did something (let me say, he did a thing which I don't think a normal women would accept). Should I count on someone who did "that"??I don't think so...Well..being me, I am a complicated person who love to be in complicated situation so basically, yes..I do stick with him since he does make me happy and he does treat me well so I guess I should be with him..for now laa...

Once upon time ago, I thought life was simple...who knows...the more older we get, the more hard the life is...that is why, when they say, Life is complicated...please tell me people...what life is not complicated??even if you are a cat, your life will be complicated as well...
Talking about life will never come to an end. Since we all have life to live on, I guess the best way to have a good life is just keep on living with it, no matter how hard life is,just remember that other people might face a more complicated life than we are. As long as we have a good health and people who always around us & love us..we should cherish every moment that we had and might have in near future....

Dear me,

Life is hard..Love is hurt..because it is complicated and it hurt you that is why you chose to be in this life...so please..be strong okay~

you

Dear You,

I do care...but I pretend not to...

Dear You,

I am ego..because of you...

Dear You,

Maybe tomorrow I will start to talk to you again..


Thank you...

I share it with her~

My life is complicated but I don't really share it with everyone. Why??Because, not everyone can actually understand me...Yes..call me crazy..but I love being in complicated situation...Why??Because, life is not about being perfect sometimes the imperfect make your life colourful..

I know..I don't really love to talk about my private life nowadays..Why??Because, people don't actually listen but they judge other people as well...

But I do share things with this girl..Why??Because she don't judge but she actually listen..

Thanks babe~

thanks for being a good listener!!

We eat & eat & eat.....

A day where we spent time together..updating all new stories...especially on our beloved Fidal..who is going to get engage within a week!!Congrats to our beloved Fidal...wow...never thought you were going to be the 1st one among us...huu~

-wif Fidal (a tunang org to be)-

I was accidently bought a new shirt..damn!!


It was a day where we ate a lot...and for the first time in my life..I do spent a lot on foods...nice~

We ate at Sushi King then Tony's Roma and having our tea time at DELICIOUS~(WOW..org kaya makan...)

- Us @ DELICIOUS -

p/s: Looking forward to see them........

I Pretend

Pretend to be okay..


Pretend to be cool..


Pretend to be understanding


But seriously, I am not okay, I am not cool, I am not a very understanding person....


I try to..but I can't...I can't pretend anymore..It's killing me softly bee~

Ooo..dear Heart...keras please...please make my heart stone for bee...


p/s: Looking forward to see Mady...;))

Tired!!

I am tired of feeling this way.....


I am tired to try......


I am tired to care.....


I am tired to live in a lie.....


I am tired of pretending......


The truth is..I am tired + tired + tired....


-To be continued...........

Keep on Judging & talking

People love to talk...so keep on talking people......

People love to judge..eventhough they don't even have a clue....so please..keep on judging people....


Dear people,

I am not mad...I don't hate you people...I know..you guys are too concern about me I guess..that's why you people talking/judging me right??

So..please...go ahead talking/judging..I am being me as always...but Just so you people know...people around you are actually talking about you too..so before you start talking/judging other people..look around you...are you sure that they are not talking/judging you??

Think people!!

Kenapa??

Kenapa perlu ada rasa jealous??


Kenapa perlu ada rasa sakit hati??


Kenapa perlu marah??


Kenapa & kenapa & kenapa.....

saya sepatut buat bodoh sahaja...hati oh hati..keras please....

Love you mama..Happy mothers day!!

For u mama....lots of hugs & kisses!!

I am here because of you

Out of the blue......Suddenly....

Suddenly...I felt so alone...eventho yes...I do have Jejaka PCSB...but things are too complicated between us...sigh~


Suddenly I was thinking about you En Chocolate...and yes...sad to say...I've been dreaming of you last nite eventho I was suppose to dream of Jejaka PCSB....


Suddenly I miss you En Chocolate....I know I shudnt feel this way..but what to do..feeling is something that we have no control...it happen..that's why people say..LOVE happens~


Okay2...focus2...tamau emotional...maybe I shud call Jejaka PCSB to take my mind of En Chocolate......


Okay nite...


p/s: will always miss you En chocolate..but we were never meant to be together~

I promise I won't ignore you..

From now on..I promise...I won't ignore you.....

No matter what..no matter how...okay..I will be there for you...(until when??)

I know...it is tough for me...but what shud I do??The more I stay away...the more close you came to me..So I guess...it won't do any good for us..I shud just let you in my life...sigh~

Always telling myself that I won't fall for you..but I'm afraid...lama-lama I will fall for you kot...but I tamau....I know..it won't do me any good if I'm with you....please2...hati keras...feeling2 go away~

Both of us are way to far of being just friend...betul tak??sigh~

Okay....just let it happen.....

Dulu & Now

Dulu.....

I use to say....'Owhh...I won't compete on guy'....

Now....

I'm proud to say...unfortunately I have to compete with her and her and her....to get his attention...sigh~


Seriously not happy with it....I rather compete in term of works or studies..but please people...I am not going to compete on guys!!!!!Gila sadis........

Yes..I'm not ready to compete...even sampai bila2 pun..yes..I won't compete....To you girls...please....take him...take him away from me...And you cik perempuan, you don't have to perli2 me....I know you feel so tergugats...so please save all your worries...he is all yours..


Thank you very much....


p/s: Owhhh...he just text me...what am I suppose to do cik perempuan??your so called Bf were looking for me..Why huh??Please take a good care of your So called Bf okay....wink**

We break each other's heart nak??

Current obssession....wink**

I think2 laaaa.....

I think kan.......


Org itu still looking for me laaa....but maybe he is to afraid to approach me....


I think kan....


Org itu still care about me..but he don't know how to show it.....


I think kan.....


Org itu want to settle things with me...but he is too afraid to start kot....


I tell you laa....kepada org itu....enough is enough...things happen already...Ya..mostly it is ur fault..because..you make me suffer....but still..I am not going to put all the blame on you because things happen for a reason...and part of it, maybe it is a test from god to me...'Life is like a wheel' you are not always going to be on top....now I'm going to keep smiling and cherish all the things I have...........

CHiLLex okay~

I have failed today.....sigh~

Yes...I have failed!!!

Planning to be sombong...planning to buat bodoh...but then..I end up spending time with you.....Owhh...I am so gilaaaa.......why O why Fatihah??

I was supposed to be chill...I was suppose to stay strong...but when you called....suddenly I can hear myself telling you..."Okay...I see you later.."Haihs~What la you??Can't even stay strong even for a day??Seriously gilaaaa......

I need to be kuat....I need a divertion!!Okay..maybe I shud start going out with other guys...What About DD guy??What about En Surveyor??Okay...please make up your mind Fatihah!!!

Okay peace!!

is Currently hurt and stupid...but I do think you are going to hurt her more..

In office..during lunch hour...feeling hurt...but not that hurt...hurt when I know..what had happen during the weekend...thanks to you..you didn't tell me anything..but I did know some how...and yes..it's hurt...when I have to swallow everything painfully....but I'm cool..as I promise to be cool no matter what..and I won't show how hurt I am in front of you..damn~


Call me stupid...yes..I am so stupid for letting you do this to me...but, what am I suppose to do bee??when I left you...you came to me...when I'm invisible...you keep searching for me??why me??what do you want from me??Yes...I can give you love...I can hug you when you sad..I can be your listener...but...what I am for you??


I wish I cud pity her..but I'm not...because..I do think she deserve it..I mean, she should know you better than me right??But it happen, I know you better...I know how bad are you..I know what kind a guy are you..Or perhaps..maybe you are a good actor..maybe you fake all your move with her..but why??You once said...'I haven't found sum1 who I can actually commit with..'wtf??then why are you still with her??Guess...at the end of the days...she's going to get hurt more deep than I do...since I know you...

Seriously, I happy to say...I'm going with the flow with you..but am not going to be with you always....one day I'm gone....

I'm heartless.....

I can't believe that I am this cool...wow~

(yaa....me smiling...and will keep on smiling....)

Seriously...I can't believe my self....I can't quite figure..how on earth that I suddenly become so strong..so damn tabah when I know the real 'him'..THE REAL SITUATION....knowing how it works between us??

Wow.....amazingly...I was smiling...and it happen...I'm not shocked..as if like I knew it was coming...gila2~

Sumpah...I was so cool...when he say those words...when he told me the truth.....I can even laugh with him...Call me GILA..but seriously I'm not mad at him....and I can even accept it!!

It's okay....maybe hari ini hari you...siapa tahu hari esok hari I.....and yes...maybe I am cool now...we will see...how cool are you when I'm about to do the same things you do...okay u~

Next level???

(hanya hiasan semata-mata)

Ya...we are in the next level/phase......

A stage where..'kentut pun wangi'.....'pijak semut pun tak mati'.....and yes..we were happy....but..for how long???Seriously avoiding this question......

It's okay....I just want to enjoy myself in this happy stage..a stage where I'm actually floating....please be strong wahai hati ku yg comel.....wink**

Currently in the mode of romantikus almost every single nite...been dreaming the same old tune...a tune when I was in romantikus mode with En chocolate...Please dear Hati...Don't keep falling..Hati keras please.........

Your Song..................

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside I'm not one of those who can easily hide I don't have much money but boy if I did I'd buy a big house where we both could live
If I was a sculptor, but then again, nOr a man who makes potions in a travelling show I know it's not much but it's the best I can do My gift is my song and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody this is your song It may be quite simple but now that it's done I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind that I put down in words How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song It's for people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting but these things I do You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue Anyway the thing is what I really mean Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen....

Untuk...???

I just can't help it..but to hate her.....

Okay...maybe the title is a bit exegerate...but trust me...I never tought that I could actually hate someone...sampai make an FB status especially for that woman...sigh~

Why do I hate her??Have she done anything to me??The answer would be...a BIG no...sumpah...she never did anything to me...but I HATE HER!!!yes....seriously....hate her...like...I cannot even see her face..seeing her face make me hate her even more deeper....Okay..I'm officially tension and it happen my head hurt like hell.....what's wrong la you kepala??if nak migrain pun...please pick another time okay....currently not in the mood to have migrain.....tension gua....T_T

I hate you perempuan for trying to be sum1 you are not.....

I hate you because..you don't even have a clue of what you are trying to say except to quote a sentence from an internet sources...(so lame...just to impress him okay...)

I hate you for pretending to loves all his favourites....and you even try to speak his language..wow...a good pretender...

And yes.....I hate you because you like him too...Ooopps..wrong sentence...actually you are in love with him....that is why I hate you.....Okay...call me jealous...yes..I am hopelessly jealous....jealous to a perempuan like you??OMG!!gila sadis.....chill okay Fatihah!!!

Okay..now I feel okay...finally...after I put all my anger into this blog...I feel so puas hati...eventho yes..I should just tell it to ur face but still, as a woman with high integrity (chewahhh~) I won't do anything....yes..I hate you...but I will do nothing....in fact..all I'm going to do..is just to see how it goes for you...good luck perempuan!!~

Okay..peace~

I've made up my mind...hooray~

Okay...I should be sad.....but I'm not...I'm just a bit dissappointed...ya..kecewa..that's how I felt...








I da give up on you...not because of you...but there are too many women are in love with you...








I do think you should choose it wisely...why???








Because those girls look like bimbo...you know..pretty but empty...okay...I guess ppl think I'm jealous...of course I am..who doesn't??(24/7 texting...nearby lak tuh..haihs~)








But..still...it is your life...your choice...so...deal with it wisely~








After En Chocolate...I thought..I will be doom..but end up..I'm okay..so seriously..yes..I am okay now...no worries...dear girlfriends......








Currently I don't want to think about anything else other than my sweet girlfriends...looking forward to see you girls on friday nite!!!








- I will be seeing you girls tomorrow nite......plus hana/cyrus/nad......

p/s: OOo....I just colored my hair....LOL~