HOW to berterus terang??

I LIKE this guy…but am too afraid to say it out loud…bukan sebab malu or segan..okay FINE..I admit..I was a bit malu la…of cuz la…there are too many ‘what if’ in my head now…

WHAT IF HE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY AS I DO?

WHAT IF HE THOUGHT ME AS A FRIEND?

WHAT IF & WHAT IF & WHAT IF……..

Okaylah…I story 1st laaa….I know him thru friend…whereby time tuh, I was actually lepaking with his friends at mamak. We didn’t know each other mase tuh…but one of my friend sort of kenal kan kami…It was on March when I was actually quite down since En Cokelat walk away from me…so sadis…LOL~

Nak jadi kan cerita, he did ask my number from one of his friend and he did sms me on that particular day we met…time tuh..am not so keen pun to know him…sbb I was not over En Cokelat kan…so…I was a bit jual2 mahal and sort of mls nk kwn2 wif any guy…

After about a month, I was kinda bored..tiba2 tgn ni mcm rajin la pulak nak texting him..so I did texted him and all of sudden we became close…like almost every day he texted me, sumtime he called and we did going out like dating kot..sbb we never did went out with his friends or mine..so I can consider it as dating right??LOL~

Next year on March..it’s going to be a year dah..since I know him…therefore, I really2 need to clarify with him la…what are we actually??who am I to you??I don’t like to be kept in the dark..if u know what I mean…..

But, the problem is…how to berterus terang with him? What am I suppose to say?I am afraid okay..afraid of his rejection to be precise….afraid that we might not be as close as we are now….

Once before, I had an experience of pouring my heart out to a guy…lucky me..he respond it well…and he was okay with it..and we end up to be an item…Tp sekarang…I do think I don’t have the gut to do it again…..haiyoo….how??

I saw him yesterday…he was..well..the usual him…we had sushi..then jalan2 tgk handbag since I need a new bag (typical me)..there are times..when I was about to confess…but I am holding it back…sbb I was too afraid!!Damn it….I hate this situation….

Well it so happened yesterday..we did had a bit of argument…nothing serious..but I was a bit kecil hati with him…on some issues..but instead of being mad at him..I turn to be a bit quiet and kinda moody… He knows me well to know that I am not in a good mood..so he tried his best to cheer me up last nite… by making me laugh…and make me smile all nite…Yes…you make me happy last nite…but, what about future??Can I still have those laughs that I had last nite??

What am I suppose to do now??SUMPAH AKU BINGUNG!!

is PELIK

I miss you gadis kecil….how are you??(bercakap dgn blog..am I crazy??ya..1 of my act of craziness)

So..what’s up with “PELIK”??

Seriously…it is weird nowadays, when lots of young ppl so eager to be married…why??

Am not saying that I don’t want 2 get married in my early age…am so into marriage kot…kalau boleh, after grade dulu..nak terus kahwin..but what to do…got no bf maa…LOL~

It is not wrong to have an early marriage, in fact if you are physically & mentally ready for it..why not?? Just go for it laa…it is advisable kot..yela..to prevent any unforeseen circumstances kan…(if u know what I mean)

What’s make me “pelik” is when lots of young peeps tend to get married so early just because they are afraid of losing, they felt threaten, and they feel so insecure…of what??or should I say…of whom??

At the first place, why do you feel insecure??Actually, I am not good when it comes to marriage/relationship but I do know one thing…marriage is not a simple thing..it is a big thing..it is not about saying I do or “aku terimanya nikah….”It is not about a piece of paper(sijil nikah)..it is beyond that…I believe marriage is a sacred thing to do when you believe you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person…(wow…do I sound so pure n sweet..)LOL

Okay la…fine..I admit, I do envy those yg going to get married..but..all and all…I am happy for you guys…knowing that you have sum1 to grow old with..sum1 to membebel with….seronok kn??and the best part is having lots n lots babies…sgt best kan??So..looking forward to that…haha~

Bukan apa….since I am working in oil & gas industry, I can say that..most of my field staff..they tend to kahwin awl…actually…xslh…but…I can see why their gf want them to get married cpt2…u now why??
Because..they don’t trust their partner…why??

To tell you the truth…in O&G…there are lots of cabaran and dugaan….one of the cabaran & dugaan yg perlu ditempuhi oleh all those engineers/surveyors…is…perempuan….kerana wherever they go..whenever they go…women are always all around them….kenapa??sebab…they have lots of money….sumpah….mereka mmg byk duet…they may look rugged..look kinda selekeh a bit..but…their pocket is deep my friends…..Owh…am not saying that…all manusia di oil n gas are the same…but one have to be careful if you want 2 involve with them….jadi, xslh pun..if their gf tak trust mereka kan??
But still, marriage are not going to solve any problems…sbb once they got married pun..if they want 2 cheat they will cheat..if they want 2 flirt..they will flirt….am not lying here…..I’ve known lots of manipulative husband and lots of flirty husband….as well as flirty fiancée and not to forget….bf2 yg willingly cheat on their gf….terlalu ramai okay…no worries…I won’t disclose any names here…LOL

Do you think they will stop cheating once they marry you??Do you think you will feel secure once you marry him??
I bet you won’t feel secure…& trust me..if your partner want 2 stop cheating…he will…if he wants to stop flirting..he will…so you don’t have to force them to marry you….just be patient…if they are meant for you…they will be…by forcing them to marry you…it won’t do any good to both of you…..please do think before you act…

What I’m trying to say here…is not that men can’t be trusted or men who work in O&G are the bad ones…no….am not going to racun sape2 punya fikiran pun…I just want to let ppl knows….how things are..for men in O&G…REMEMBER….appearances can be deceitful…so please be careful women~

Profesional please............

Dear you,

Be professional okay??

Yes..we do have some unresolved relationship issues..but it does not give you any excuse on exposing it to other ppl…especially to your colleagues…………..

Sweetheart…work is work..what we do after work is another different story..boleh x B??

Yes…I was kecil hati..so kecil hati with you…

Please be professional okay….it might be a joke for you..but am not taking this joke lightly…

Remember..personal stuff can affect work…..


Okay…I am merajuk now…

Bye!!

Don't let me go..............

Some things we don't talk about
Rather do without and just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of, together all the while

You can never say never
While we don't know when
But time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Picture, you're the queen of everything
Far as the eye can see under your command
I will be your guardian when all is crumbling
I'll steady your hand

You can never say never
While we don't know when
But time, time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

We're pulling apart and coming
Together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together
Pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

It is funny..............

It is funny…bila you don’t even know who the person is..you don’t even know how he looks like..and you never know about his existence but all of sudden, he became such an important person in your life…
It is funny kan??It is weird as well…Is this a coincidence??Is this what we called a fate?Is this what it is meant to be??

I think the answer is all of the above kot…betul x??

Who is he actually??

He is someone I never thought I would fall into..

He is actually a rebound guy..(ya..typical me..I need a new guy to forget the other guy..sigh~)
He is a person I shouldn’t be involve with at the 1st place..(I’m sorry that I did..)

He is a bad boy whom I know are going to break my heart…

He is someone who clearly has a girlfriend….

He is the 2nd guy who actually get into me..

Yes..kasihan Fatihah…and padan muka to you as well Fatihah..you are the one to be blame kot..you yg mulakan dulu….

It is funny kan…a person you want the most is sum1 you can’t have..I guess this is the reason why I don’t believe that I should be in love to be in a relationship with a guy..It’s true..a relationship need love..and love itu boleh berkembang kot..secara naturally…I don’t have to be so in love with a guy to start a relationship with..as long as he makes me happy..he can take a good care of me..it is enough for me..later on..I will definitely learn how to love him..seriously, it is not hard for me to be in love with a guy pun…betul ok..mak tak tipu nyah~

It is funny…despite all the bad things/hurtful stuff he did to me…I still accept him…I still can’t get over him…well itu la CINTA kan??

It is funny…no matter how hurt I am…still I did answer all his calls and reply all his texts…why?sebab CINTA laaa…..

It is funny..when you are actually realized all these things…but you still can’t get yourself out of this mess…kenapa??CINTA punya pasal laaa….

It is funny..when you tell the whole world how hurt you are..but still you are doing that same mistakes over and over again…..

So..when are you going to stop??Sumpah..I have no idea…I am badly hurt..but I guess..I love to be hurt rather than feel nothing at all…Sumpah…I want it to stop…but I don’t have the guts to do so….

Dear you,

It is hurt to be your No.2…but I can’t lose you..not now…not just yet…
No worries..I won’t ask you for anything.not now..not in any near future…
It is not funny now..when I’m actually missing you and knowing that I can’t have you…

Yours truly,

Fatihah..

Perfect Nightmare~

Sometimes we fight
Sometimes I cry
Why don't I
Just tell him goodbye
Sometimes I should
But sometimes I don't
Build up the strength to
Say that it's wrong
Sometimes I hate
Sometimes I love
Sometimes I hurt
Sometimes I don't
Sometimes I wait
For him to change
But it's okay
I've disguised the pain

And I don't ever wanna leave him alone
They say i'm brainwashed but i'm in love with this man
Yeah~

Keep telling myself that it's not worth it
I already know I don't deserve it
But if it's from you I don't mind hurting
This is my perfect nightmare
So when will I wake up and scream

No way (x7)
But if it's from you I don't mind hurting
This is my perfect nightmare
Perfect nightmare

Don't be nice to a guy

It is Monday and I am doomed…yup..Monday blues..am not really into work. How I wish I could just sleep for another more hour….but obviously I can’t..I need to work..to put foods on the table (so not true…I just want to be a bit sarcastic today)LOL~

It is Monday…I know there a lot of works to be done..but I am so freaking lazy…I have made few calls but no one seems to answer my calls…so I am quite not in the mood now…haihs~
I was supposed to go up and see one of the big bosses but apparently he is not in the office...there goes my mood...

As usual, once I’m up there haruslah go & visit one of my girls cik S..Fyi, I love her new hair do..she looks young/fresh & trendy with her new hair..I like!!

Well basically, both of us are not close but we are nice towards each other and since she is cool/friendly/fun to be with so we are comfortable with each other. We love to talk to each other and sometimes share few stuff. It happen today, suddenly we have this talk on guys. She asked me, do I’m actually in a relationship with sum1?what kind a guy I was into?Well, am not speechless actually since I have all the answers if ppl were to ask me this sort of question..(am not trying to sound ‘berlagak’ but it’s true..I did have the answers..LOL)

Am I in a relationship with anyone?
My answer is, No I am not in a relationship with anyone or been exclusively with sum1 but I do date sum1. Okay??satisfied?

What kind a guy I was into?
My answer is, I am so into confident guy. A guy with confident is everything. Confident make a guy sexy, attractive and no words can describe how incredibly gorgeous a guy is when he is confident.

Seriously, I have been in love with a confident guy before, it was nice but things did not work out but I blame no one but myself. Why? BECAUSE I WAS TOO NICE TO HIM~

Yup..this is me…am always being nice to a guy. At the end of the day, I’m the one who suffer..congratulation!!

Back to my conversation with cik S, when I told her about the guy I’ve been dating with…immediately she told me…” Babe..I’m not saying that I have lots of experience with guys but one thing I do learn from my previous relationship is, don’t be nice to a guy”. Okay…I was like..I was always nice to a guy, I always let a guy to control me, I always let my feelings take control of myself….sigh~

Yes, this is the ugly truth..when we are nice to a guy, they tend to take advantage of that situation. Trust me,It is easy for a woman to love but it is not easy for a guy to actually be in love.

So girls, DON’T BE NICE

Lelaki with money...

It is true...women adore guys with money....we are not talking about few hundreds ok girls...but you know..a totally rich guy...Ya...I do admit..sometimes I wish I cud marry a rich guy..(in my dreams anyway...berangan nk kahwin with Cristiano Ronaldo laa...)

But what do actually those rich guys are looking for??Do you think they really care on how good a WOMEN cooking skills are??Or..perhaps...do they even care if you can actually spoke 5 differents language??Well..guess what...NO...they don't really give a damn about those things..because, all they want is..all they need is...for us WOMEN to succumbs will their needs...
Yup..dunia ini mmg kejam..lets face it..this is life..they don't care about our inner quality if you don't have that outside beauty...BETUL TAK??

Okay..money is important..seriously..I cant imagine my life without them..call me a mata duitan..I don't care..am not trying to be hypocrite here...but still money can't buy love..money can't buy happiness....so..please do remind me again..why am I actually need money??
Owhh..ya...I need money to buy new shoes/heels, new bags, new clothes, and what else...you know men, women have lots of needs...and it's always going to cost you guys...sorry~

But..I am truly happy with myself...despite of my craziness towards money, I never did physco any guys to spent their money on me...unless..if they want too...you know guys..when they want you, they willing to spent on you..typical la kan....

Dang..it's near 12am...and I have to work esok..to meet those rich guys...need to catch up with you later gadis kecil....

To be continue then..........

Kerja~

My so called job


I love my job..there is no doubt…who wont?It is hard to be in this industry actually but once you are in, it is good for your future…it’s true….

I learn a lot here..I truly do…which I am very grateful for it..who knows, nowadays I can actually talk about it..lol~

But…there is always sort of the ugly side of it..am not complaint.but, it is something I guess ppl shud know or ppl shud be aware of..it is the reality of life I guess…and it is not pretty…

Well, working in such a big industry in such a big organization (not as big as Petronas) you will actually see/experience lots of things…you will know a lot types of ppl..which is very interesting…I love ppl,I love to make new friends,senang cerita…I love my colleagues laaa….but…not all ppl are nice..it is true right??no matter where & when, mean ppl are everywhere ok..and you need to know how to handle them with care..betul tak??(well…we have too..)

Okay..back to the main thing, let me just say….sometimes ppl are using you for the sake of their benefits..maybe for the sake of the organization it self..or maybe for their own personal benefit…Umm..Do I make it sound complicated??

Okay fine..to tell you the truth..I am tired of being used..why??by whom??
Let me just say…when you are a woman, you are going to be use so that things will get more simpler..more easy..and the work itself are easily done…thank you~

Owh..by whom??well….like Nabil said,”lu pk la sendiri”…

So, the moral of the story is…..seriously,I have no idea…but what I did is, you just have to defend yourself…ok..take care!!

Hari ini warga OFFSHORE gembira~

Kami happy!!


Terima kasih OFFSHORE WORKS~


End of the year kasi kami lagi okay!!


**sdg membuat budget......dgn happy~weeeee..............

This Raya

This Raya.....


I am so humble at my own preparation...err...are you sure Fatihah??

Well..I guess..I am a bit humble laa...I onle had one baju kurung, one raya handbag, & one raya heels...okay la kan....not too many compared to last year right??(am trying to sedapkan hati sendiri)

This Raya.....

I did bought 2 sets of butang baju melayu...finally...not very good at choosing one..but I'm glad I bought it..

This Raya......

I spent a lot on kuih raya....I loike....I love to eat...so..I have no regrets when it comes to foods...(not like you kan bee...you don't like to spend much on foods..luckily si 'Dia' share the same passions with me..thank you~)

This Raya......

am going to give duet raya...as usual...but unfortunately, it's going cost me...so much...am not complaint....I am so happy to give away my money....sumpah...I xtipu!!


This Raya.....

I am not going to share it with En Cokelat...ya..it's pretty sad..but...life goes on..so I'm cool~


This Raya......

will be just like other raya before...I am still the same old me...perhaps next year..I'm going to celebrate it with a special someone...yes..you make me laugh..you make me happy~thank you....

just a dream............

I was thinking about her..thinking bout' me..thinking bout' us....

what we were going to be??

is living in a dream world.....

Am I okay?

I guess I am okay...I am having a double life..living in a lie??
Ya....perhaps I am...but for how long??think2...

If people ask me??are you okay with a life like this??

Before this, seriously...I have no answer...but now...I do...

My answer is, Yes..I am okay with it...in fact, I'm cool with it...

Is it tough??No..it is not...but you have to be smart...I guess..I am pretty smart kn??(but not for long)


Lie??how long we can actually keep lying to others??Sooner or later, the truth will come out...

You know what....am happy to say...I am really looking forward to be caught red handed...maybe then I am absolutely okay...

people say...careful on what you wish for....you might end up hurt at the end of the day...but maybe that's what I'm looking for....


Haha..I am officialy weng tonite....

p/s: please check your phone....am tired of waiting....

I have 2, so I buy 2 sets of it...

I never thought in million years I cud be this cruel..but here I am...being cruel...to you & you...am really sorry....


Therefore..for raya, instead of just 1 set of butang baju melayu...I have to buy 2 sets of butang baju melayu... A

sounds fair right??

Once again...I'm sorry...I have too...what to do??I have TWO...


I see you next week okay...and I see you next week too.....

sigh~

what do you want from me??

what do you want from me??

Eika soon to be Mrs Rico....

On 31st July....she is officially engage to Rico!!

happy for you sweetheart...you are the 1st among us to be engage...Ya..we are happy to you..but deep down...of course lah ade sedikit rasa envy right??hehe~envy sbb you have found your truly mate..sum1 yg you are going to spend the rest of your life with...Owhh..not now ya dear...next year on OCT 2011...then both of you are officially Mr & Mrs Rico!!Can't wait for the big day!!

Here some of the recaps...I miss you girls badly...

-Sue all the way from Sabah-



-Us with Eika-



- Kerana cake ini, both me & eika got lost -

Fatihah jadi bridesmaid~

I never thought that sum1 could actually ask me to be her 'pengapit'...but sum1 actually did...

Thank you Chicy...at last...I can wear a dress...wee~


Here some of the pictures to share...I do think I look a bit fat in this dress...ye ke??maybe perasaan ku kot....


-----> with Iman comel!!!


-----> ofismates~


-----> Pengapit tired...heels tinggi sgt...

Talking about puasa.......

When we are talking about puasa..1st thing yg akan pop up in my mind would be..bulan ramadhan...Ya..where we have to restrain our self from everything..not just foods & drinks..but fasting is about berpuasa from head to toe...internally & externally...but..can we really do it?

When ramadhan came, syaitan akan diikat....I suppose..people will do lots of goods rather than bads kn??unfortunately...things are the same.....so..should we blame syaitans for all the bad things we've done before??Umm...I guess...manusia itu sendiri adalah syaitan kot....Or is nafsu to be blame??

It is easy to be bad..but it is hard to be good...every single year...I am trying to be good..but do I try hard enough??My answer is no, I'm not...sebab nafsu always menerajui akal...sebab selalu nak jugak buat things yg not only memakan diri..but I'm end up hurt.....

Susah rupanya nak jadi baik(for me kot...)....To be bad??well..I'm getting better at it....

I need to be good...I need guidance....

apa2 pun..selamat berpuasa to all Muslim out there..may Allah bless us always!!

Sakit hati ke kecil hati??

I don't think my heart can be hurt anymore...kecil hati?Yes..I always will..tapi untuk sakit hati??
mungkin tidak??sebab..I dah penat sakit..

Kenapa I sakit hati?Sebab I ask for it kot..ya..I did ask for it...

From month to month..I want it to be over..but I can't...maybe I can..but I dont want to...

just like Rihanna said, "I like the way it hurt and I love the way you lie"

Ya...I love the way you lie....

I know..you never lied to me..not even once..you always menjaga hati I..

I know..you tak pernah pun nak sakit kan hati I..but I am hurting my own self...

I know..you have to lie to her instead of me kan??I am your 'kekasih gelap' but you never did hide me in every way..

Deep down...I am kecil hati..kecil sangat...everytime you call..you text..yes..I am happy..

sebab I tahu..you still remember me..you tak pernah pun tinggal kan I..(eventho..I have thought of leaving you..so many time...)

Tapi...I kecil hati..sebab...I am not the 1st on your list..I am always be the 2nd one..ya..sad to admit..I am your back up...betul tak??

Currently..I am kecil hati with you..why??sebab you are not here with me...sebab I can't see you now...sebab I need you now...sigh~

I miss you bad.....thank you buat I kecil hati..

Good girl gone bad~

You ask for it..

Easy for a good girl to go bad, and once we gone bad..best believe we gone forever...

(I heart this song!!)