Bad Habits

I have tons of bad habits. If you ask me to name one??I think I can actually name you more than 30 ok. I try to break all my bad habits and try to be a better person. For now, I think I manage to overcome one of my worst habits which are cursing.

Maybe people might say that I am stupid to actually acknowledge to all manusia out there on my bad habits. Terus terang, I am not proud of them and the reason why I blog about it is to remind myself that I am not a good person. Frankly speaking, I hate myself right now for not being able to be a good person. It is not easy my friend to be good. Kenapa susah??Susah sebab hati ini masih jauh dengan tuhan. Ya, my answer is as simple as that.

I have too many list of bad habits yg I am trying my damndest hard to overcome it. Currently, I try to buang sikap kurang sabar. I admit, patience is one of my biggest flaws. Back then, when I performed my Umrah it was a bit of struggling for me to control my patience. Bukan mudah ya, but Alhamdulillah tuhan itu maha besar. The best solution on keeping yourself in check is to keep beristighfar and insyaallah you will eventually can keep yourself calm. Unfortunately there is an event while I was in Masjid Nabawi where I totally lost my patience. Bila ingat balik, I can’t believe that I can be that rude. Well, pray tell me…how does it felt when someone simply langkah your kepala while you sujud?? Will you simply smile at that person??Well, what I did was I pull back my sejadah and that lady almost trip down and guess what I have to re-do my solat since the moment I came up after sujud I was inside her jubah. Hurm…came to think back again, perhaps itu adalah ujian yg tuhan bagi untuk menguji saya. It makes me realize after that, patience is easy apabila hati kita bersih and obviously mine is far from that. I am currently in the midst of cleaning my own hati. Nak belajar sabar, start it while you were driving. If you can control your patience while driving, I guess you are pretty much okay to handle other things too. Me??Saya sedang cuba untuk sabar. At least I am no longer cursing while driving sudah, it has been 3months since I last curse. Doakan saya mampu bersabar dan tidak cursing ya~

And not to forget, my biggest flaws of all are penyakit Keras hati. Penyakit ini memang dah lama bertapak dalam diri saya. I do not how and why am I having such disease. We can cure a fever but to cure penyakit Keras hati there are no such medicine. Ubatnya is to be near to our Creator and I can guarantee you hati itu akan mudah dilentur. Sebab itu lah banyak orang cakap, nak jaga hati kita perlu jaga makan. Hurmm…ok..I admit, nak jaga makan may sound easy but it is not that easy. We may live in a Muslim country but there are too many doubts when it comes to foods. Betul tak??Yes, we don’t eat pork and our sembelihan is mengikut syariat Islam but how sure are we that our food sources are clean?? Terus terang, there will be a never ending stories when it comes to this issues. Honestly, I am not pious when it comes to foods and saya ni pun jenis yg selamba when it comes to foods. That is why, my mum said, hati itu keras sebab sumber makanan itu tidak bersih sepenuhnya. To tell you the truth, bercakap soal ini is like membuka pekung di dada…and to talk about halal, I have no authority or no say sebab saya pun tidak arif. I just hope that one day, Jabatan yg bertanggungjawab will eventually clarify to us dengan sepenuhnya. Saya pun risau sebab hati saya ni susah sangat nak dilenturkan. *sigh*

Why am I talking about bad habits ya??Sebab yesterday, I was super sedih with my own self. I feel that the more I try to be good, I end up being bad and I hurt other people’s feeling.

Takpelah, I should be positive..ada hikmah di sebalik kejadian.